


Anything But This

by LokiNeedsHugs1031



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Porn, Bottom Dean, Castiel Takes Care of Dean Winchester, Castiel in the Bunker, Come on guys WHAT THE FUCK, Crying, Crying Dean Winchester, Dean Crying During Sex, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s12e14 The Raid, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Fluffy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Castiel/Dean Winchester, Light Bondage, M/M, Mary fucked up, Men Crying, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Episode: s12e14 The Raid, Praise Kink, Protective Castiel, Rimming, Sam fucked up, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top Castiel, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Writers Imma cappa bitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 11:13:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10161935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiNeedsHugs1031/pseuds/LokiNeedsHugs1031
Summary: Dean can't deal with Sam and Mary's decision. Cas makes things right





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [angelofthequeers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelofthequeers/gifts).



> Well folks. Here we are. Another Sam 'hiding' shit well. Fuck. I had to write this stuff. For my best friend because she's awesome and wrote ME fluff <3

           

            They’d said their goodbyes to their mother and piled into the Impala, heading home. After that hot mess Dean was more than happy to leave it all behind for a few hours, knock back a few beers, give Cas a call, check in, and head to bed.

            Sam was quiet.

            Far too quiet even for him.

            Dean was dead on his feet as the bunker’s loud, squeaking door slammed behind the brothers, “I need a drink. No, more than that. Please tell me we have beer at least. I know we’re out of the heavy stuff.”

            “Yeah, in the fridge,” Sam answered meekly, disappearing into the kitchen.

            The elder hunter plopped onto the couch, throwing his feet up on the table, popping the taut muscles in his neck with a groan. Soon Sam was returning, cold beer in one outstretched hand.

            Dean took it, “Helluva couple days huh? Fuck, I could sleep for a week…I say we take it easy. Call Cas, get his feathery ass here and chill out, even if it’s just for a night. We’ve been going none stop. Movie night wouldn’t hurt…”

            “You still mad at Mom?” Sam asked, fiddling with the beer label before peeling it all the way off.

            “As a matter of fact I am,” Dean groused, crossing and re-crossing his feet, “But…I’m not gonna just cut her out I guess. I mean. Fuck, I don’t know…I still don’t want her here. Still don’t feel like talking to her, certainly don’t trust her,” he took a deep swig, “Especially after tonight, you saw how wonderfully those idiots handled those vamps. They had no fucking idea what they were doing. So yeah, that whole ‘they save the world’? Bullshit…if they try one more goddamn time to convince me to join their boyband I’m gonna lose it.”

            “Dean, listen, I think we should talk,” Sam started.

            That got Dean’s attention, his lips leaving the beer bottle with a pop, “What kind of talk, cause I gotta say man, I’m exhausted. I also don’t need a pep talk about how you think Mom was thinking about the ‘greater good’. I need a fucking break…”

            “I…” Sam cleared his throat, “I saw what kind of tech these guys have. I think we could make it better…I mean we’re the better experienced hunters here. In every respect…”

            “What does that mean?” Dean narrowed his eyes dangerously, “What did you do…”

            “Dean listen…”

            “No, what did you do?!” the older hunter growled.

            Sam was biting his lip in that way that meant he was afraid to blurt something, “I joined them, okay? I wasn’t gonna hide it!”

            He scrubbed his face with one hand and then with the other threw the beer violently at the neighboring wall as it shattered Sam flinched violently.

            The room fell silent.

            “Dean…”

            “What the fuck is the matter with you?!” Dean shouted, descending on his brother, in his face at this point, “They didn’t just torture you Sam…that woman…from what you told me…”

            “I-I know, but hear me out, please.”

            He clapped his hands together to halt anymore talking, “No, I will not fucking hear you out I am fucking tired of ‘hearing people out’,” he snapped, pushing Sam out of the way, grabbing his jacket and duffle he’d removed from Baby.

            “De…wait, where are you going, please wait! We need to talk, where are you going?!”

            “Away from here!” he growled, voice lower timbered than usual, slamming the door loudly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            He was shaking, head to toe, eyes burning. He threw the duffle in the back, turned the key in the ignition and headed for the furthest motel. He rolled his cellphone over and over in his hands as he drove, Cas on his mind. No, he couldn’t do that. Couldn’t call Cas over this.

            In some way, he saw it coming.

            He’d said it ‘Sam pick a side’.

            And he had.

            A lump formed in his throat and he swallowed it down. Before checking into the Plains Motel, he stopped at the corner drug store, bought a fifth of whiskey and a six pack with one of the many fake credit cards in his pocket.

            He checked into the motel, splurging on a queen bed. Fuck it. If he was gonna be unofficially kicked out of his home he wasn’t gonna slum it.

            He sat on the edge of the bed, head in his hands and mind spinning so violently he felt sick. He shot up with a grunt, breathing heavily to stay the tears. He went into the somewhat decent bathroom and filled the tub up hot.

            From there he shed his clothes, slid into the water, whiskey bottle in hand and drank. He listened to the mindless dripping of the faulty faucet, bent on forgetting. But then the liquor tasted like ash on his tongue.

            He’d barely gotten numb, but he found himself screwing on the cap and setting the bottle to the side of the tub.

            He sank into the hot water, submerging deep enough to have the water fill his ears with a pop! pop! pop! He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. How had they’d gone from family to this? Mom didn’t want to be there, be their Mom at all. And now…and now Sam? Sam too?

            He lurched up from the water, spilling it over the edge of the tub.

            He hurried out, wrapping a towel around his waist, snatching the bottle up from the floor and returning to the bed.

            He flipped on the TV, turning back the covers. Still clad in the towel he found himself dozing. Cas on his mind. Wishing the angel was here. Wishing he could maybe make sense of all this. He sniffed, biting back tears, turning in the sheets and his eyes closed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

            There was a frantic knocking somewhere in the sleep soaked state of his mind. He groaned, pushing up from the somewhat damp mattress where his bath wet head had fallen. He shoved off from the bed and stumbled to the motel door. Rolling his eyes to focus, he looked through the peep hole. He opened up the door.

            “Cas?” he mumbled half asleep, bewildered at the fearful state on the angel’s face, “What the hell are you doing here? I didn’t call you…”

            Cas’s dark brow was marred with concern, “You didn’t have to, I heard you praying…no, you were pleading.”

            “Praying?” Dean asked in honest confusion.

            “Yes, praying, are you alright? I haven’t heard from you…since I almost…” Cas wet his lips and his gaze lowered, “May I come in?”

            “Y-Yeah, of course,” Dean cleared his throat, gesturing the angel in. Only then did he notice he was only wearing a towel, “I-I fell asleep after the shower…uh sorry.”

            “What are you doing in a motel and where is Sam?” Cas questioned, “Your prayers were…muddled. I thought you were in danger the way you were begging, crying out…are you alright?”

            The lump from earlier on the road gained strength, “You heard all that? I-I was asleep…” muddy images of a nightmare sparked his memory. He was in the pit and screaming for anybody, anyone. But nothing greeted him but silence. And then pain. Sam was mocking him and his mother? She stood off to the side and watch as he was cut into tiny pieces.

            He flinched when Cas began to speak once more.

            “Of course Dean…I have said we share a more profound bond, nightmare or not, you frightened me,” he said, moving closer, “What is wrong?”

            Dean was full aware that he was suddenly shaking, and then it was like tidal wave after tidal wave, “I-I didn’t mean to. I know you’re busy with this whole Lucifer baby thing a-and I shouldn’t have…but it musta been…”

            “In your sleep,” Cas supplied, “About the only time that you are truly honest with yourself. You needed company…”

            He was wringing his hands bloodless, “I-I’m sorry Cas I shouldn’t have…”

            “Stop,” Cas hushed him, his brow still in that worried yet commanding position, “Dean, please tell me…”

            “Is no one on my side?” his clipped, yet teary tone shocked even himself, “A-Am I not…why doesn’t anybody…stick around? Huh? Tell me that Cas, please tell me cause I need to know why everyone I care about right now leaves?!”

            “Dean,” Cas started.

            “Mom working with those bastards, oh yeah, I know right? Shocked too? Well Sammy’s in on it too! They both think this shit is so important, and here I am, knowing how stupid it is, how dangerous!” Dean gasped, hands on his towel clad waist, panic rising faster and fast than it had in years. Since hell. Since losing Sammy in the cage. His heart sank further. Since almost losing Cas. “No one! I have no one, because you’re gonna team up with them too, aren’t you Cas?  It’ll be you too and then I’ll have no one and it’ll just be me out on the road! No family! No one that cares!”

            Dean audibly gasped when Cas crossed the room and wrapped his arms around the hunter, near nakedness be damned. One arm had him secured around the waist the other was around his shoulders, where his longer fingers were threading in Dean’s still damp hair.

            And the angel was hushing endlessly with “Shhh, I’m here, right here. I’m not going anywhere, Dean.”

            And Dean fell against him without thought.

            “You will,” Dean winced fiercely at the sob that broke his speech. And then it was an onslaught of the same powerful sobbing, “You will, you will…”

            Cas held him tighter, urging him to the mussed bed. They sat for the longest time on the edge as Cas ran a warm, smooth palm over his naked back. Threading fingers through his hair and calming breath against his brow as he rocked him back and forth, “You _are_ my side, Dean,” he began, “Always have been. I would think you had figured that out by now. I rebelled for you…only you…I _love_ you. Did you not think there was a reason I directed that first declaration _towards_ you? I love your family as well…very much…but not like you. You are my beginning and my end. My everything.”

            Dean didn’t realize how painfully he was holding onto the angel until he felt the other wince, “How could you love me…how could anyone…that’s why they all leave…”

            “Damnitt Dean,” Cas growled.

            Dean found himself on his back, eyes wide and heart beating fiercely ‘holy angel of the Lord’ hovered above him. He opened his mouth to protest the man-handling and then there were lips on his and God help him, he whimpered, completely melting into the kiss.

            Cas remained there, gently kissing him without question, without words, he gave one final gentle nip and then was locking eyes with the hunter, “I will _never_ leave you. Not even death can part us.”

            Dean worked against another stubborn sob, “But you do leave me…I need you…here…”

            “It is never out of intention,” Cas frowned, “If I could lock you at my side I would. I love you.”

            The next breath he inhaled was shaky and uneven and he only found the next breath when Cas’ lips were on his once more. This time it was more explorative, tentatively asking for entrance to his mouth of which he complied, and fuck, that stupid whimper was eking out of his throat again. Cas’ warm tongue, that tasted of some sweet safety he didn’t know existed. He held on fast, willing Cas to not stop the kiss.

            The angel complied until he needed breath, until he was tracing those kisses from the hunter’s mouth, along his jaw and resting at the soft, thumping pulse of his throat.

            Then it was bubbling out of him without control, “I love you too Cas.” he felt the soft smile at his throat.

            “I have known Dean,” he leaned upward to scoop his arms beneath Dean’s naked shoulders and cup his face, “But it is nice to hear it aloud.”

            “S-So you can hear me praying in my sleep huh?” he gulped.

            Cas nodded, “There have been times I’ve lulled you during a nightmare. Enochian so you don’t stir awake. This isn’t the first time, but I felt an urgency. The nature of our relationship has changed, I would say.”

            “Sneaky bastard,” Dean joked, voice trembling still as he tried to hide it behind a laugh.

            Cas’ only response was to dip down and press a meaningful kiss once more to his pulse point, tongue darting out just in the slightest that made Dean full body shiver.

            The shiver evolved into a groan and without thinking, he’d wrapped one leg around Cas’ lower, pant covered legs.

            Cas instinctively arched his hips carefully against Dean’s, when Dean gasped Cas was hovering once more, “I’m sorry…” but he was cut off by lips.

            “I need to forget Cas, just for a little while,” Dean swallowed roughly, eyes darting over Cas’ face that looked both frightened and determined. With the consent voiced, Cas shrugged off his coat, working clumsily on his tie so much so that Dean pulled him close.

            “Just let me,” he breathed, voice rough and emotionally graveled. He removed the tie, tossing it aside and in seconds had the dress shirt unbuttoned and discarded. Deftly his fingers were already working on the buttons of his pants, shucking them around his hips.

            “Dean, Dean,” Cas breathed, halting his hands, holding them firmly and then above his head, “Slow down,” he was hushing in that same, low, hissing tone against his lips as he had when he was in a panic. Pushing him back to the bed, carefully, tenderly pinning his arms above his head, “I don’t want to rush this, I want to love your body. Every inch of it. If you would lie back and allow me such a thing.”         

            “Cas I don’t…I-I don’t deserve…” his eyes were burning again and he looked sideways, away from that cerulean stare that was everything that could be defined as perfect.

            “Yes, you do,” Cas argued, voice firm, one hand free he guided his face forward, two fingers beneath his chin, “That is,” he glided his tongue up the exposed vein of his throat, “...unless you want me to stop?”

            “N-No,” Dean stuttered.

            “Would you allow me something? If we kept communication open always?”

            Dean was panting already as Cas painted his throat with kisses, teasing to move southward, of which he really wanted, “What’s that…”

            “If I could simply restrain your hands so you would allow me to prove what I wish to prove…” Cas murmured against his spit slick flesh.

            “I trust you Cas, you know I do,” Dean grunted when lips ghosted over one nipple, “Yes, please, come on.”

            Dean was only half aware of Cas restraining his hands with the discarded tie to the iron headboard, but was fully aware when his towel was removed and he felt the cool air of the motel room ghost over his naked hips and cock.

            “I love you and I will show you how much I do,” Cas breathed against his ear, giving it a nip, before his lips were skimming down his sternum. The tip of his tongue ran all the way down to his navel, nipping the slight pudge there before sneaking his tongue into the cavern of his bellybutton.

            Dean arched with that action, “Ah, Cas,”

            Cas gave a light chuckle and proceeded, both thumbs kneading carefully at the inside of his thighs, urging his knees apart, “What do you want Dean? Now, in this moment?”

            “You,” Dean grunted as Cas nosed just below his cock, “You, I want you…”

            “How do you want me? You can have me anyway you wish, I trust you, I love you that much.”

            “ _In_ me,” Dean could feel his face burning fiercely, “I-I…Cas…don’t make me say it.”

            Cas was kissing the insides of his thighs once more, down to his knee, tongue sneaking out in a way that was ticklish and making Dean jump and groan in one fell swoop, “You have to say it,” Cas argued, teeth grazing the tender flesh behind his knees, “Or I will not do it. I’m not about to make the consummation of our relationship questionable. I do not do dubious consent….”

            “Inside me Cas, I need to feel you, all of you,” Dean whimpered, and then growled, “I-I need to feel…like someone is here…with me. Someone who loves me…you said…”

            Cas abandoned his kissing and Dean’s face was firmly cradled in both hands, eye contact forced, “I’m here, with you always, and I will love you,” Cas spat, “Understood?”

            Biting his lips and trying like hell to maintain eye contact he nodded. Below his waist he was throbbing and was more than happy when Cas returned to his thigh kissing. Despite his tied hands he tried to move his legs, but Cas had those pretty restrained as well as he kissed hickies into his inner thighs.

            He yelped when those warm lips rested against his engorged length, it was so brief he whined. He almost voiced his frustration until Cas retrieved the bottle of lube, but he heard the cap snap and then fingers were testing his rim, in careful, articulate circles.

            “You alright?”

            Dean took a breath, closing his eyes, “Isn’t the first time I’ve done it, I’m okay, j-just go slow…”

            Cas complied, the first finger was tentative, breaching the rim slowly and carefully, and then the second. Dean was already bucking, but what he didn’t expect was the warm presence of a tongue. He arched his back off the bed with a startled yelp. But that didn’t deter said tongue, it pierced him along with those perfect fingertips. As soon as Cas nudged his prostate he was sure he was screaming.

            A sob snuck past his throat as the second pass of fingers brushed that gland, he was sure tears were leaking from his eyes when that warm muscle licked around those fingers, “Cas-C-Cas please…please…”

            But Cas lingered, scissoring him open and nudging his tongue here and there, all the while keeping one leg bent at the knee as he did so. Cas ran his tongue up his perineum and back down once more. Over and over and over. Dean was gasping, completely out of breath and so close to coming it hurt, “Cas…Cas…too much…t-too much…”

            Fingers and tongue were gone, and lips were moving back up his chest until he was being kissed out of his mind once more, “I’m ready, just go, come on, now, please.”

            He wasn’t even sure when Cas had gotten naked, maybe he’d mojoed them away, all he did know was that he was breaching his opening with a surprisingly impressive length, “Do you want me to stop?”

            “N-No,” Dean whimpered, grunting as Cas then bottomed out. They both lay motionless for a moment, neither knowing the next step exactly until Dean uttered ‘move!’

            Cas was gentle, Dean took notice, and then there was a break in touch and Cas was moving a pillow beneath Dean’s bottom. The change in angle was immediate and his back arched painfully when Cas moved forward.

            “Fucking hell sweetheart if you don’t hurry it up I won’t last!” Dean begged, digging his heels into the mattress.

            “I’m still going slow, I will not hurt you,” Cas’ voice was heated, near spent and hot as hell.

            “Move angel, move, come on!” and then Cas did and he cried out with a desperate ‘oh!’ he tugged fervently at the restraints happy they were there as he was sure he’d be raking flesh away from Cas’ back.

            It was a litany of ‘yes yes yes yes’ and Dean went blind when his whole body went ridged, Cas’ panting breath gracing his neck, hands gripping his forearms. And then he slumped, as did Dean.

            It was quiet, for a few measured seconds, both catching their breaths.

            Dean’s throat felt dry, his eyes wet and chest tight, and then slight panic, “U-Untie me…now…untie me.”

            Sleepy stance thrown aside Cas was doing as told, “Dean I’m sorry, are you?”

            Dean threw his arms around his angel, holding him flush against him, soft cock still inside him. He didn’t care, his ankles hooked around Cas’ waist holding him inside and shamefully crying.

            “Shhhh,” Cas was murmuring once more, kissing his damp brow and then he urged him on his side so he could slide out of his body, “It was too much…”

            Dean took a breath, despite the tears streaking his face, “No, it was perfect, I’m sorry,” he burrowed into the space of Cas’ neck with a loud huff.

            Cas continued to kiss him, waving a hand to clean away the mess, the other brushing away the tears, “I love you, so much.”

            “Love you too, I-I didn’t mean to ruin that…”

            Cas cut him off, fingers to his lips and then replacing those with his own lips, “You didn’t ruin anything.”

            Dean blew a breath from his mouth, eyes closing, “Tired, sorry…”

            “You’re exhausted,” he tugged Dean closer and with a slight grunt Dean complied. He then surprised himself and snuggled closer to the angel, repeating what he’d done before, nuzzling into the warm, sweet smelling crook of Cas’ neck.

            “Sleep, you’ve earned it.”

            “Don’t…” Dean gulped, “Don’t be gone tomorrow…”

            “I will never leave until you ask me to,” Cas answered, pulling the blankets up around the and kissing the top of his head.

            “Yeah, like that’ll happen,” Dean sighed, for the first time in days feeling calm, “Love you sunshine.”

            “Love you too,” Cas smiled against his brow.

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE review. Dean needs so many hugs!


End file.
